I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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