oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We have started to decorate penises.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
