How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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