My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
