I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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