She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
