Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
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