No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
