Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
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