There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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