he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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