Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
