Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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