The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
