I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
