alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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