Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
