Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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