yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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