I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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