He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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