Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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