For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
