So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
