I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
