I am in a vortex of obligation.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i think i have two assholes
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
