Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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