I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
