so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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