Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize