You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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