Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
