Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
