So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
