we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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