his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just google imaged poop.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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