I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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