he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
