Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
