I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
