i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
