plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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