You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
