CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
