my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
