What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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