how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
