would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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