Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize