If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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