At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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