We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
