My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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