ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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