My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
