Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
