Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
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i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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