i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
