Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
