forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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