ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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