some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
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It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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