toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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