My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
