Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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