Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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