Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
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obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
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I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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