Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize