Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
