I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
