So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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