On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
