If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
