he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Randomize