dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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