So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
